The Three Little Communist Pigs

 

 

Many times when the liberal media tells of the Wolf and Three Pigs, they are unfairly biased towards the pigs. In fact these pigs are simply heathen Godless communists who seek to undermine the wolf’s way of life. What follows is the objective view of what happened in the aforementioned incident.

The wolf was a kindler gentler God-fearing patriotic wolf whose only activities were those which would bring about freedom and prosperity for all wolfkind. This wolf was busy with the governing things when he was invaded by a commune of Godless hedonist Marxist pigs who set up a puppet government right in the wolf’s backyard, under the guise of a straw house. This straw house was said to be a peaceful dwelling for all pigkind, but was actually a front for nuclear missile launchers and chemical weapons, not to mention numerous wolfs rights violations which were too numerous to mention. The wolf could not tolerate this obvious imperialist intrusion into his hemisphere, but was deeply troubled on a personal level for almost two minutes before deciding on a program of neutralization. The wolf came upon the pigs unholy and highly undemocratic terrorist base and saying a prayer, did huff and puff and (due to the Marxist pigs’ continuation along previously detailed course of action) blew the Godless communist pigs’ house down. The pigs seemed genuinely alarmed at the wolf’s actions (though they no doubt had been previously informed through spy satellite) and did cease and desist occupation of the wolf’s territory. The wolf then began a speaking tour to celebrate the victory for freedom fighters everywhere.

As all wolves know, however, you cannot trust a pig for a minute, as they do not have the same values that normal wolves do, and the pigs devised a plan to build a new missile sight made of wood (which was obviously a violation of the wolf’s rights to a free hemisphere, as well as a violation of several articles of the Geneva Accord.) The wolf immediately met with his closest advisors. Since this was an emergency, no Congressional approval was necessary, and the wolf went ahead with deployment of H.P.PT. (Huff and Puff Peacemaking Tactics.) The pigs were again forced to evacuate, although they later inflated the damage statistics for this neutralization procedure. The wolf then made a television speech praising the victory for democracy, liberty, and fair play.

The communist pigs acted like the evil vermin that they were however, and showing total disregard for the innocent pigs they supposedly represent, made plans for yet another illegal attack base. This one was to be disguised as a brick house. The wolf then sent a warning telling the pigs to halt the obvious attempt to invade the wolf’s sacred territory or face total annihilation. The wolf then huffed, and naturally enough puffed, and blew as hard as he could (but in keeping with the restrictions of the Strategic Huff and Puff Limitations Talk.) The Godless Marxist communist evil vicious liberal brick missile silo refused to be eradicated. The wolf was forced to conclude that his attempt had failed due to lack of support from France, among others. Then he got into his helicopter, which strangely enough impaired his ability to hear reporters’ questions, and flew off to a funeral.